I’ve discussed Rule #20 of Pixar’s 22 Rules of Storytelling before, and how it can be a good exercise to improve our storytelling skills. I used this method to do a “story fix” for Alien 3 a little while back, and I wanted to dive into another one. I landed on a movie I’ve thought a lot about since I saw it in the summer of 1999—Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace!
A Little Background
Full disclosure: I love this movie. I was ten years old when I first saw The Phantom Menace in theaters, and it holds a special place in my heart. But looking at it objectively, the story doesn’t quite reach the heights of the Original Trilogy of Star Wars films.
Still, there’s a lot to like and a lot to work with. Let’s see if I can rework some things to create a more satisfying start to the Prequel Trilogy.
Story Ground Rules
Pixar suggests that, when doing this story fix exercise, you use the building blocks of the existing story—don’t throw out the baby with the bath water, so to speak. So, that’s what I’ll do in this rewrite. It won’t all be the same, but I’ll repurpose what I can. That said, here are a few tweaks to have in mind from the jump:
Age-up Anakin
A child-version of Anakin is unnecessary to the story, and it robs the audience of an additional movie’s worth of time to grow connected to the actor playing a major character. Imagine if in A New Hope Luke Skywalker had been played by a precocious child, only to be replaced by Mark Hamill in the next movie, while Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher remained the same. Jarring, right?
Change Qui-Gon’s Role
Did you know Qui-Gon Jinn has the most screentime in The Phantom Menace? He’s great, but he’s not the protagonist. I think we can agree that Qui-Gon as a character is much more suited for the “mentor” role, which he’ll serve as in this rewrite.
Keep Jar-Jar Binks…Kinda!
The Jar-Jar we got in the original movie was not the one we needed. But I do think that character is needed. Why? Because it gives us (the audience) someone to care about in the final act when the Gungans battle the droid army. We just needed a better, more likeable character.
Replace Naboo with Alderaan
Credit to Michael Barryte for this idea, which he mentioned in one of his excellent Star Wars rewrite videos. It makes much more sense for Alderaan to be the planet where the movie’s main conflict takes place. This change would enrich the viewing of A New Hope—if we grow attached to Alderaan in the prequels, we can more readily sympathize with Princess Leia when we watch her homeworld blown to bits by the Death Star.
Tweak the Trade Federation
The Trade Federation eventually becomes part of the Confederacy of Independent Systems in the next movie, so why wait? Let’s kick off the conflict with a separatist movement—it’s more interesting than the “taxation of trade routes,” anyway.
A related note: I’m introducing Count Dooku as leader of the Confederacy in this film—but not as a Force user. He’ll serve more of the role that Grand Moff Tarkin did in A New Hope.
Star Wars: Episode I Rewrite
Alright, let’s get down to it. If you want a refresher of what happened in the original film, you can check it out here. Otherwise, here’s my rewrite…
The Phantom Menace
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
In response to a blockade of the peaceful world of Alderaan by the Confederacy of Independent Systems, the Jedi Order secretly dispatches Obi-Wan Kenobi, a young and relatively inexperienced Jedi Knight, to oversee a settlement.
Obi-Wan is supposed to meet with a delegation of Galactic Republic diplomats, led by Senator Palpatine. However, the young Jedi discovers the diplomats are missing. Surprised by the appearance of the Jedi, and urged on by the shadowy Darth Maul, Confederacy leader Count Dooku sends droids to assassinate Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan escapes and frees a young politician, Padme Amidala, from the ship’s detention center. Padme informs him that the Confederacy is holding the rest of the Republic delegation hostage on the occupied Alderaan. Pursued by droidekas, they manage to escape to the planet’s surface by stowing away aboard a troop transport ship.
Once on Alderaan, the pair flee from the droid forces and help save the life of a young Gungan, Jar Jar Binks. Though wary of humans, he agrees to take them to the Gungan city, hidden deep within the marshes of Alderaan. The Gungans leaders refuse to help an Alderaanian, despite Padme's pleas. Jar Jar convinces the leaders to at least give them a speeder transport that they can take to the capital city.
On their way to the capital, Obi-Wan and Padme are attacked by patrolling droids and some aggressive local wildlife. The pair work together to escape danger and build a rapport.
Eventually, Obi-Wan and Padme arrive at Alderaan’s capital city. After some sneaking around, they are able to locate Senator Palpatine and the rest of the Republic delegation. Palpatine feigns nobility and refuses to leave, insisting he stay and continue to try to negotiate a peaceful resolution to this conflict (although we know he just wants to stay around and keep pulling strings). However, he implores them to take the rest of the delegation and bring news of the Separatists’ aggression directly to the Senate.
Obi-Wan and Padme flee with the members of the delegation—including a young senator, Bail Organa—and escape the planet aboard a starship. In much the same way as the original film, the ship is damaged while passing through the blockade, but is saved by some timely repairs by a familiar astromech, R2-D2.
Count Dooku reports the ship’s escape to Darth Maul. The Sith Lord warns Dooku not fail “his master” again and pursues the ship himself.
In desperate need of hyperdrive repairs, Obi-Wan determines that the group should land on the nearby planet of Tatooine. Obi-Wan has an old friend there who could help them—Qui-Gon Jinn, his former master who chose to leave the Jedi Order years before.
The ship lands on Tatooine. Obi-Wan and Padme head to Mos Espa in search of the former Jedi Master. They enter a cantina and nearly get into a brawl with some rough locals, but Qui-Gon appears and intervenes. They explain their situation to Qui-Gon, and he tells them there’s someone they should meet.
Qui-Gon introduces Obi-Wan and Padme to a local slave, Anakin Skywalker. Anakin is only a few years younger than Obi-Wan and is a friendly, if headstrong, individual. He’s an orphan, having lost his mother years before, and Qui-Gon has become something of a surrogate father to the young man.
Qui-Gon agrees to help them repair their ship, on one condition: they must help free Anakin and take him to be trained as a Jedi, as he has come to believe that Anakin is the prophesied Chosen One who will “bring balance to the Force.” Obi-Wan is deeply wounded by his former master's devotion to Anakin but, having no alternatives and with encouragement from Padme, agrees to the deal.
Meanwhile, a dark ship arrives on Tatooine and Darth Maul begins searching for Obi-Wan and Padme. He dispatches droids to scour the planet’s major population centers.
Qui-Gon hatches a plan to get the repairs for Obi-Wan and free Anakin at the same time—by wagering on a podrace that Anakin will enter. The young man is a gifted pilot and has had some success racing for his slave owner, Watto, but has yet to win a race. Qui-Gon wagers that Anakin will beat the local podracing champion, Sebulba, and Watto takes the bet. The former Jedi puts up Obi-Wan’s ship as collateral, which angers the Obi-Wan, but Qui-Gon implores him to trust the Force and Anakin.
The day of the podrace arrives and Anakin wins in a narrow victory, earning his freedom as well as the needed repairs for the ship. Obi-Wan begins to believe there may be something special about the young Skywalker.
However, their celebration is short-lived. As they are about to leave Tatooine, Darth Maul appears and attacks them. Qui-Gon defends Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme, but the former Jedi is mortally wounded by the Sith. Anakin, horrified, unleashes a powerful blast of the Force that delays Maul long enough for the group to recover Qui-Gon and escape in their starship.
With his dying breath, Qui-Gon makes Obi-Wan promise that he will see the young Skywalker trained as a Jedi. Obi-Wan agrees. Qui-Gon gives Anakin his lightsaber. Anakin pleads with Obi-Wan to stop Qui-Gon from dying, but Obi-Wan tells him not even the Jedi have that power.
Back on Alderaan, the Gungan city is under attack from Confederate forces. Jar Jar’s home is destroyed, but he demonstrates his bravery by saving a Gungan child from a group of droids. The Gungans abandon the city and flee deeper into the marshes.
As the ship travels for Coruscant, Obi-Wan secludes himself and mourns for Qui-Gon. Padme, looking for Obi-Wan, instead finds a grieving Anakin and comforts him. The group finally arrives at Coruscant. Obi-Wan and Anakin report to the Jedi Council while Padme goes with Bail Organa to plead their case to the Galactic Senate.
Despite an impassioned plea from Padme, the bickering Senate provides no help for Alderaan. Supreme Chancellor Valorum in particular seems keen not to anger the planets threatening to join the burgeoning Separatist movement. Padme and Bail leave the Senate, disgusted by its crippling bureaucracy and ineffective leadership.
Meanwhile, the Jedi Council hears Obi-Wan’s report and ponders the possible return of the Sith. They offer condolences for Qui-Gon, but refuse to have Anakin trained as a Jedi, as he is too old and too full of passion. Obi-Wan tells the Council of the promise he made to Qui-Gon, and confirms that he will see it through, with or without the Council’s approval. The Council agrees to table the discussion to wait for the input of Grandmaster Yoda, who is not present. A funeral is held for Qui-Gon at the Jedi Temple.
In light of the Senate's impotence, Padme vows to return to Alderaan to fight for her people. With the permission of the Jedi Council, Obi-Wan joins her in the hopes of drawing out the mysterious Sith. However, the Council cannot grant any other Jedi to join them without the Senate’s approval.
Though Obi-Wan instructs Anakin to stay on Coruscant, he stows away on the ship back to Alderaan, hoping to get revenge on Darth Maul. Obi-Wan discovers him on the way to Alderaan, and reluctantly accepts his help.
Using his preternatural piloting skills, Anakin navigates the Confederacy’s blockade and the group lands in the Alderaanian marshes. Padme seeks out the hidden Gungans and, with Jar Jar’s support, is able to negotiate an alliance against their common enemy. They plan an assault of the Confederate base in the capital, determined to capture Count Dooku and disable the droid control unit kept in the palace.
Darth Maul returns to Alderaan to oversee the battle personally. He commands Dooku to wipe out the Gungan resistance and destroy Padme and Obi-Wan. The battle for Alderaan begins with Jar Jar and the Gungan army drawing out the main droid force from the capital. Secretly, a strike team led by Padme, Anakin, and Obi-Wan infiltrate the palace. They free pilots to help the Gungans in their ground battle.
In the palace, our heroes are confronted by Darth Maul. Anakin takes up Qui-Gon’s lightsaber; he and Obi-Wan duel the Sith Lord. Padme and her strike team make their way deeper into the palace but are soon pinned down by droids. The Gungans begin to lose their fight with the droid army.
Powerful but untrained, Anakin is bested by Maul, losing Qui-Gon’s lightsaber along with his right hand. Tapping into his anger, Obi-Wan defends Anakin and battles Maul. Padme creates a diversion, making it to the throne room and destroying the droid control mainframe, saving the Gungans and crippling the Confederacy. Obi-Wan duels Darth Maul to a draw, but the Sith escapes once he realizes the droid army has been disabled.
Senator Palpatine is freed and negotiates the terms of surrender with Count Dooku. The Republic arrives and Alderaan celebrates the victory. Darth Maul flies into the depths of space, ready for the next part of his master’s plan. Anakin is fitted with a robotic hand. In light of Obi-Wan’s determination and Anakin's bravery, the Jedi Council grants Obi-Wan permission to take Anakin as his apprentice.
THE END.
Conclusion
So, what do you think of this reworked version of The Phantom Menace? What do you like, what do you hate, and what would you have done differently? Let me know in the comments below!
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